Issues of Intimacy, Sexuality & Sensuality with BJ Miller
Our podcast is hosted on Spotify and Anchor.
Deep physical connection is as primal as it gets. Yet, our sex lives are among the first things to go when we’re sick. Sometimes that’s by choice, but too often it’s by the defaults and presumptions of the healthcare system and others around us. Exploring intimacy with fresh eyes can be a profound way to feel alive all the way to the end. In fact, there’s no need to die before we die.
Show Notes:
0:00 Introduction
2:40 What is “sexuality” and how is it expressed for different people?
3:57 Changing roles in a relationship due to illness and disability
4:54 How bodies change due to illness and aging
5:44 Misconceptions around sex and disability
6:50 Feeling ashamed and un-sexy in your own body
7:26 Staying in your body, getting out of your head
8:16 How do you stay in your body when pain is present?
9:07 Having uncomfortable conversations with your doctor or clinicians
9:28 Asking “Is it safe for me to have sex?”
10:09 You will need to be the person to bring up sexuality
11:37 The relationship between sex and safety
13:08 Not everyone has someone in their lives, being alone
15:14 Sex is not just intercourse. Connection is the thing
18:20 Connecting sensually to the world, not just other people
20:21 Sexual, to sensual, to sensuous, how to feel something via your senses
22:25 Ideas on how to find a long term partner for someone with a shortened life span?
26:07 Ideas for being sexual while being impotent, opening up about personal intimacy
28:23 Giving pleasure as a cathartic act
29:36 Paying attention to what feels good as a body changes
31:06 Finding assistants for sex for couples who both have disabilities
32:49 Considerations for intimacy in facilities and hospitals
35:11 How can staff in a hospital create a safe space for intimacy?
38:33 Sex workers in an inpatient unit?
39:35 Asking for intimate considerations in a hospital
40:16 Moving from a caregiver dynamic to a sexual connection
43:52 How can someone have a relationship with pleasure when they are experiencing physical pain?
50:56 Staying engaged with your senses and having a relationship with your body and extending the definition of sexuality
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